


Violations Epilogue

by BoldBeverly



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e12 Violations, F/M, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Memory Rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:08:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29045916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoldBeverly/pseuds/BoldBeverly
Summary: Beverly and Jean-Luc deal with the aftermath of the attack she suffered from the Ullian Jev. How can Picard help Crusher regain a sense of equilibrium? Stays in canon (for now - I will be creating a series of episode that will eventually become an A/U).
Relationships: Beverly Crusher/Jean-Luc Picard
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	Violations Epilogue

Beverly sat in the captain's quarters looking at the bowl of steaming beef stew and pushing it around with her spoon. Her normally healthy appetite had been lacking since she had recovered from the coma into which the Ullian Jev had sent her.

"Beverly, eat something," Jean-Luc Picard said gently but firmly. He had invited her to dinner this evening after visiting sickbay earlier and seeing how tired she looked. It had been a week since the incident with the Ullians and although they'd had breakfast a few times, she hadn't eaten much at any of those meals either and even the loss of a few pounds was noticeable given her slender frame. He was worried about her. 

Dutifully she filled her spoon and took a few hearty bites. It actually did taste good and she knew she needed it. She made an attempt to smile at him but it wasn't sincere. 

"Have you talked to Deanna about it?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Would you tell me?" he inquired softly.

Beverly smiled wanly. "I'm not sure what to say exactly," she admitted. 

"I hope that you know that you can tell me anything, Beverly. Tell me what happened." he said. He took her hand and led her over to the sofa. Instead of taking his usual seat in the chair, he sat next to her.

She took a deep breath and met his eyes briefly before looking back down at her lap. "It was the day you took me to see Jack's body. That awful walk into the morgue..." she drifted off, looking back over at him. She saw the pain etched on his face too. She steeled herself to tell the rest of it. 

"Then Jack's face became Jev's and his eyes opened and he looked at me. As if that wasn't awful enough, when I turned back to you, your face was replaced with Jev's face too. It was as if one of the worst days of my life got worse. I needed to see Jack, but then to have his face corrupted and then when I turned to you and you had been stolen too..."

Picard did not know what to say as he tried to process this horror. Displays of affection made him uncomfortable but their pain was bigger than that right now. He slid his arm around her shoulder and pulled her against him. 

For a moment she allowed herself to be comforted by the solid feel of him, dropped her head onto his shoulder and simply listened to his breathing. When he reached up to stroke her hair she felt the tears she had been holding back begin to cascade down her cheeks. 

Picard brought his hand up to her face and gently brushed the tears away. She looked up to see tears glittering in his eyes too. She wasn't sure if they were for Jack, for her, or for himself. Probably a combination of all three. 

She took a deep, shuddering breath, bringing herself back under control. Jean-Luc stood up, walked to the bedroom, returning with a small towel for her to dry her eyes.

As she wiped her face, he procured two glasses and reaching into a low cabinet he extracted a bottle of brandy and poured them each a healthy serving. To her surprise, he sat back down next to her as he handed her one.

"Thank you," she said. "It actually helps to say it out loud," she said, taking a sip. The warm liquid coursed down her throat. 

"That's what Deanna is always telling me," he said with a small smile. "I don't think I ever told you how sorry I am that I didn't stay in contact with you after all that," he said.

She knew he referred to the years after Jack's death and before her arrival on the Enterprise. She didn't know how to respond to that. It had hurt her at the time but she had accepted it so she simply nodded. So many people had drifted away at that time, not knowing what to say to the young widow but she knew his departure had hurt more than most. 

"We never talk about him," she said instead. "About Jack."

"I suppose neither of us was sure what to say," he allowed. “It became easier to talk about our current lives.” She had watched his face carefully as he spoke and she saw more than grief. She saw guilt and regret.

"Jean-Luc, you know I never blamed you for what happened, for his death. It was an accident," she said. Her brow was furrowed, her eyes serious. 

Picard shook his head. "Logically, objectively I know that but...."

"Jean-Luc, you know that I took my bridge test before joining the Enterprise," she said, startling him with this abrupt change in subject. He nodded and she continued, "I passed my first time, and do you know why?" He shook his head, impressed because even command track candidates often needed 2-3 attempts before passing. 

She moved to take his hand and made sure he was looking into her eyes when she spoke, "Because I already knew what was required of a great commanding officer, that he put the good of the ship and the mission before a single person. I knew it because I lived it, dealt with the results and I still knew it was the right choice, the only choice."

"I hated sending him out there. I knew it was dangerous, but I certainly didn’t anticipate the outcome. You make hundreds of decisions like that as captain, they seem routine, ….until they aren’t,” Picard said. 

“Jean-Luc, if you had it to do again, with only the information you had when he went out, would you do it differently? Could you?” she asked. 

“From a command perspective, no I don’t think so,” he allowed. 

“Then you need to let go of the guilt. It’s ok to grieve, to regret but forgive yourself. Jack would never have wanted you to blame yourself. He loved being a Starfleet officer, and he loved serving with you," the tenderness in her eyes moved him and he took a deep breath to steady his own feelings. 

"I loved serving with him too. He was a good man, and a good friend," Picard said. 

"We should remember those good things about him. Tell me a story about Jack that I don't know," she challenged. 

He looked thoughtful and then broke into a grin. She couldn't help but smile in response even before hearing the story. It was rare for Picard to smile like that.

"This was his first year on board, before he became science officer. We were at Argus IV and Jack was leading an away team. The colonists needed assistance with their malfunctioning water filtration system. 

Apparently, the schematics they sent were mislabeled, or simply incorrect. Jack thought he had figured out where the contamination was coming from and he was ready to replace a few parts and redirect a few pipes. I don't know what he did, but a pipe burst and he ended up covered in what we were pretty sure was raw sewage. He tried sonic showers and even water showers but the smell still wouldn't go away. You know how dogged Jack was, he headed right back down to the planet and tackled the project again. He finally got the whole thing fixed for them but the smell lingered for weeks it felt like. The crew teased him relentlessly. 

"Now this was before he met you, so Jack being Jack headed out at the next shore leave and showed up with not 1 but two beautiful women by the time dinner rolled around."

Beverly laughed. "I knew his reputation when I met him. Walker's sister had told me stories. I refused to go out with him at first. I was focused on being a doctor and a Starfleet officer and Jack Crusher did not fit into those plans."

"What changed your mind?" Picard asked. 

"His sheer persistence and I think that he was so different than I was. Jack loved to have fun and it seemed to become his mission in life to make sure that I did too. For a while, I wasn't sure if he was a stalker or a suitor," she laughed. 

"I was assigned to conduct basic physicals so Jack made an appointment and figured he could sweet talk the nurses into letting him see me. What he didn't know was that I had been drafted to help out in the ER and an injury came in that required minor surgery but there were no surgical suites or surgeons available so I jumped in and handled it. News got back to Dr. Thommasen, the head surgeon and I was reassigned to assist him in surgery the rest of the day. It was a fabulous opportunity for me but Jack got stuck having his physical performed by a huge Bolian man and he was VERY thorough! After that, I took pity on him and let him take me to dinner."

They both laughed. It was nice to remember the good times. They stayed up late, just talking about Jack, Wesley, Stargazer and memories of their early years on the Enterprise. 

It was almost 0200 when Jean-Luc realized Beverly had nodded off. He gently laid her down on the sofa, covered her with a blanket and pressed a soft kiss on her hair. She was so beautiful lying there. Even with her makeup having worn off and the trauma of the evening, she was stunning to him. He found it amazing how she could simultaneously be so strong and so delicate. Jean-Luc was glad that he had been able to provide her some measure of comfort this evening as she had so often done for him. 

The next morning, Beverly woke up and was disoriented for a moment until she realized where she was. She felt the weight of the blanket Jean-Luc had covered her with and pulled it closer to her chin for a moment, smiling. 

The evening had been emotional but cathartic. She felt a peace she hadn't felt in a long time. She rose and was folding the blanket when she heard the door to Jean-Luc's bedroom slide open behind her. She smiled at him. 

"Sleep well?" he asked.

"Better than I have in a while," she replied. "Thank you. I'm sorry I fell asleep."

He waved her apology off and instead offered "I replicated an extra toothbrush if you'd like to stay for breakfast. It's on the counter."

"Thanks," she said heading for the bathroom. She'd been in his washroom before but this time she noticed his shaving soap on the counter. She picked it up and inhaled, thinking how that scent made her feel, safe and relaxed. 

She exited to find Jean-Luc had ordered up a classic Terran breakfast of eggs, sausage and fresh fruit and was pouring them both coffee. "Smells great," she said, finding that she had a real appetite for the first time in days. 

Picard was pleased to note that she ate most of what was on her plate and he could see that her normally happy disposition was on the way to being restored. 

As he walked her to the door, she turned and gave him a hug and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you for last night."

“It was my pleasure,” he replied, returning her hug. As he watched her walk away, he thought what a true pleasure it was to have her in his life even in the limited capacity of his friend. Perhaps one day…...but for now he straightened his uniform and prepared to head to the bridge, his captain's mask firmly in place once again.


End file.
